Leo's New Friend

Quick one today with it being Memorial Day and all... Here's a sketch of Leonardo holding a rat. It's not Splinter but maybe a distant cousin? The body was drawn with regular pencil and then darkened in Photoshop to give a bit more drama to it. The background is also a product of Photoshop. Graphic pen and half-tone filters can really do the trick on occasion.

Hungry Likes the Wolves

A few weeks ago a friend of mine sent me a link to an amazon.com product. He told me it would be one of the funniest things I had ever seen. He’s usually wrong. His taste in humor follows that of a Bollywood film. Pretty lame. However, this time I was pleasantly surprised. It really was one of the funnier things I’ve seen in awhile. The product itself isn’t that funny, a t-shirt that you could probably find at any gun show. It’s more the accessories that come with it on the website. Without further ado I give you Three Wolves T-shirt.


First, the products customers have purchased just scream, “Cool people only.” Imagine seeing someone wearing this shirt, a pair of Zubaz pants and reading on how to cope with having an enormous penis. It just has “winner” plastered across their forehead.

Next are the tags, what customers feel this product is associated with. I really wish I snagged a screen capture of this earlier. At the time Necriphillia was a tag, and that’s just awesome. Since it’s been removed I guess we’ll just have to settle for sasquatch, sexytime and rape instead. Darn.

By now you’re probably saying, “But Matt, these aren’t funny. It’s actually kind of pathetic.” And you would be right. It is quite sad, but this is where it gets good. This has got to be one of the funniest reviews ever written about any one product EVER. It’s like Bill Shakespeare himself critiqued this shirt and told us mortal beings would it was like to own and wear this shirt.

Here's what it says:
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt. Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

As Promised

So this was supposed to be a Nick Markakis shirt. He's only one of the best players in the American League, plus he's on my Fantasy Baseball team. It wouldn't be so bad to wear that shirt, right? He's still a dirty birdie but it's not his fault. They drafted him. However, this is not a Nick Markakis shirt. In fact there are NO Markakis shirts in the entire Albany area. I asked a couple of shop owners if they had any to which the reply was, "Who? All we got are those Ripken shirts." Really? You run a sports store and you don't know who Nick Markakis is? It's not like Baltimore is on the other side of the world. It's a five and a half hour car ride. A 45 minute plane ride. So I held out for awhile thinking a Markakis shirt would spring from the soil after a good soaking rain. No, that didn't happen. So now I own a Cal Ripken Jr. shirt. It's not that it's a bad thing, Cal is awesome in every way imaginable. He makes bald work, not many white guys can pull that off. But, he doesn't play anymore and people who know absolutely nothing about baseball would wear a Ripken shirt because he was "cool" and an "Iron Man." See, if I was wearing a Markakis shirt people would say, "Wow, this cat must know his baseball because I have no f'ing clue who that is, but I could sure go for a slice of Angelfood cake right now."