The First Day of Levon.. err, Lent.

Back when I was a kid I used to be a bit more religious. My mom would make us give up something for Lent, along with not eating meat on Friday. Even when I was nine I thought this was the dumbest thing ever. Why do I need to suffer? Jesus already did that for my sins by having himself nailed to some heavy-ass wood. Did he really respect me more if I gave up no video games for Lent? I would think he would be offended. He would think, "Jesus Christ! I was nailed by my hands and feet and hung from a giant lower-cased, wooden 'T' and this snot-nosed punk is emulating me by turning off his Nintendo. WOW!" Because of this, once I got to high school I just stopped trying. I figured God would want me to be happy. He seems like a good dude.

This year I've decided after over fourteen years I'd give Lent a try again. All for the wrong reasons though. I still don't believe in the fact that God likes us to "suffer." However our priests probably get a kick out of it. No, I'm partaking in Lent this year because I'm up for a good old fashioned challenge. For years I've enjoyed the modern amenities that life has offered to me. In short my life has been good. Two years ago, I got an iPod for my birthday. It changed my life. Who needs a CD anymore? I have 30,000 songs in this little magic box the size of a deck of cards.

Am I giving up my iPod? Absolutely not, don't be silly. I'm giving up something far worse. For the next forty days and forty nights I will be banned from listening to Elton John music. To the average person that's not really a big deal, but to me you might as well cut off one of my life lines. Since 1996, I can honestly, and with a straight-face tell you I've listened to atleast one Elton John song everyday. Thirteen years. Four thousand seven hundred and forty-eight days. That's a lot of Captain Fantastic! Today that all ends. However, not without a few ground rules. I do need to protect myself after all. It wouldn't be fair if there wasn't some mention of "Get Out of Jail Free" cards...

1. If any Elton John song comes on the radio, an iPod, mixed CD or any other device that is within my power I have ten seconds to change it to a new song.
2. I am allowed to listen to covers of Elton John songs. "Daniel?" No way. "Daniel" by Fuel? Yes, please. I will be allowed the crappy substitutes.
3. If I am in a bar, the mall or any other public setting and Elton John comes on the jukebox, loud speaker or anything else where I can not physically shut it off, I am immune from that song. It happens, that's what we call "God's Cruel Joke" and I'm not having any part of it.

It's already started. My eye has been twinging. Usually on the way to Nick's daycare we listen to some "Tiny Dancer" or "Madman" or "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" among others... Today was the first day of different. We listened to The Pretenders and Matchbox 20. Too weird.

Must.... find.... better.... covers..... Will not.... survive. Atleast I didn't give up cheese like my wife. Good luck with that one. Mine as well sign your death notice now.