Apology and From the Vault #12: Smile!

Hello Dear Reader, I've abandoned you haven't I? It may feel like it, but I do think of you everyday... almost. This past week I've been on vacation from work. Vacation being coined loosely. The upstairs bathroom is still a work in progress. It's close to done, just some odds and ends that need to be tied up. What a horrible project! It has been doomed from the start. I won't bore you with the bloody details but just know that I am taking a vow of home-remodeling celibacy until we decide to buy a new house. Hopefully that is more sooner than later.
Back in the early 2000's I was asked by a wildlife rehabilitator to do some illustrations for one of her childrens story idea (I know, what is it with rehabbers and kids books!?) She wanted to do a book on a frowning turtle named Smiley. Why was he frowning you may ask? Was it because he wasn't getting any? Was it because his other three brothers were off fighting crime and he was left to clean the sewer lair? No... he lived in squalor, apparently. He wanted a nicer place instead of the glass bowl with poor UVA/UVB lighting. Geez, sounds like my place! Anyway here are some preliminary sketches of Smiley.

For whatever reason I drew his hind legs like he was a fawn - almost Bambi like. I don't know why. Turtle legs aren't really that shape in real life, atleast not the turtles I've seen. Then again, turtles don't really frown either. Artistic license, hooray!

The Bathroom in Review: Days 2 and 3

I must have been high on crack to think I'd have this bathroom done in two days. What in my past history would compel to think otherwise? It's been one mess after another. On Saturday I went back to Lowes, got a new tub faucet and a grab bag o' replacement parts. Five hours later my father and I finally figured out how to actually get the water to turn off in the tub. We were going off the pieces from the previous faucet and went from there. Big mistake. The previous tenants I'm convinced were borderline retarded. They were the ultimate anti-McGyver of home repairs. I say anti because McGyver was cool and could blow shit up on purpose with toothpaste. These people, they wouldn't blow it up right away and not on purpose. They would just leave a ticking time bomb at the scene of the crime in the form of faulty wiring or loose pipes and wait for it to explode five years later.

Other than fixing some of their dumb problems and getting some beadboard on the wall, not much got done. In about 11 hours of work, I literally had nothing to show for it. Went to a get-together at my cousin's house that night, got accidentally drunk and spent the night on his futon. By "accidental" I mean I was drinking something that I had no idea what was in it. I could taste a hint of cranberry juice and not much else. Apparently a 12-pack of beer and a bottle of vodka were also among the list of ingredients. Needless to say, Sunday renovations were slow, and even slower when I broke my miter saw.

Megan and the baby came home at 4:30pm on Sunday to no sink, no vanity, no toilet, no painted walls, no moulding, and half of the beadboard. Yeah, when this bathroom is finished sometime in 2011 I want to sell this house. I want to rid myself of this curse and move into a home that has standard measurements, and actual blueprints, and level walls and floors. It's not that much too ask for. I'll even go so far to say that I'd move into a townhouse if it was nice enough (many townhouses in the Albany area are stuck in the dirty 80's). I'd also even move further out of the metropolitan area to get more bang for my ever declining buck. The country is nice, right? I always pictured the country to look like the movie "Funny Farm." That's probably the expensive rural areas... the normal countryside is covered in seas of corn, 1992 Ford trucks, tobacco stains and John Deere hats.

Anyone have a house they are selling with my requirements? I want to know.

The Bathroom in Review: Day One

This weekend I have the honored privilege of renovating our upstairs bathroom. There really isn't much too it. It's a small room with some extreme eves on each end. The demo was completed last night, but not without casualties. Just when you think you have the water off, the water likes to remind you that is not the case. The tub did not have a shutoff and for whatever reason I turned the sink valves all the way to the wrong end (full blast for you rookies). Let's just say the bathroom got a shower where only a tub is available. Keep in mind that this bathroom is on the second floor, so my living room ceiling now looks like it shit itself with water stains. After that, backup was called and my father had to come over to help me with the bathtub. Three hours later and a trip to Lowe's we discovered that the bathtub nozzle is shot.

That's what was accomplished for the first day... Demo and a water fight. Day two better go better or I'll be having myself a minor breakdown. Day two will also include a trip to Target to purchase a bunch of new towels. Hey, I had to wipe the wet floor up with something and towels of the paper variety were not an option this time around.

Oh, and I currently smell like a foot. With the main water shut off I can't shower, brush my teeth, or turn my sink on full blast and run out into the street yelling "Water, weeee!!" It's a travesty.