From the Vault #4: Jesse the Special Chameleon

It's been a few days since our last look into the vault so it's time to pull something out that isn't from Mike Bray Cartoon. Here's one that I had totally forgotten about until I stumbled on the files earlier this morning. Back at the end of 2002, a friend of mine had asked if I'd be interested in illustrating a kids book he was looking to write about a crippled chameleon. Yes, a crippled chameleon. I agreed because I figured the children's book market couldn't be too saturated with stories about reptiles with three legs named Jesse. Plus it would be good practice for me to stay in the world of drawing. A few months earlier I had started my career in broadcast news, and there really wasn't much room for my type of doodles on boob tube.


We really didn't get too far on the project. I think maybe three pages and the cover was all that got designed. In all honesty, I don't remember ever receiving the story to work from. Oh well, atleast we got this image (and a few others) to show for it. He was kind of cute, even if his stump leg kind of looked like a penis.

The Bathroom in Review: Days 2 and 3

I must have been high on crack to think I'd have this bathroom done in two days. What in my past history would compel to think otherwise? It's been one mess after another. On Saturday I went back to Lowes, got a new tub faucet and a grab bag o' replacement parts. Five hours later my father and I finally figured out how to actually get the water to turn off in the tub. We were going off the pieces from the previous faucet and went from there. Big mistake. The previous tenants I'm convinced were borderline retarded. They were the ultimate anti-McGyver of home repairs. I say anti because McGyver was cool and could blow shit up on purpose with toothpaste. These people, they wouldn't blow it up right away and not on purpose. They would just leave a ticking time bomb at the scene of the crime in the form of faulty wiring or loose pipes and wait for it to explode five years later.

Other than fixing some of their dumb problems and getting some beadboard on the wall, not much got done. In about 11 hours of work, I literally had nothing to show for it. Went to a get-together at my cousin's house that night, got accidentally drunk and spent the night on his futon. By "accidental" I mean I was drinking something that I had no idea what was in it. I could taste a hint of cranberry juice and not much else. Apparently a 12-pack of beer and a bottle of vodka were also among the list of ingredients. Needless to say, Sunday renovations were slow, and even slower when I broke my miter saw.

Megan and the baby came home at 4:30pm on Sunday to no sink, no vanity, no toilet, no painted walls, no moulding, and half of the beadboard. Yeah, when this bathroom is finished sometime in 2011 I want to sell this house. I want to rid myself of this curse and move into a home that has standard measurements, and actual blueprints, and level walls and floors. It's not that much too ask for. I'll even go so far to say that I'd move into a townhouse if it was nice enough (many townhouses in the Albany area are stuck in the dirty 80's). I'd also even move further out of the metropolitan area to get more bang for my ever declining buck. The country is nice, right? I always pictured the country to look like the movie "Funny Farm." That's probably the expensive rural areas... the normal countryside is covered in seas of corn, 1992 Ford trucks, tobacco stains and John Deere hats.

Anyone have a house they are selling with my requirements? I want to know.

The Bathroom in Review: Day One

This weekend I have the honored privilege of renovating our upstairs bathroom. There really isn't much too it. It's a small room with some extreme eves on each end. The demo was completed last night, but not without casualties. Just when you think you have the water off, the water likes to remind you that is not the case. The tub did not have a shutoff and for whatever reason I turned the sink valves all the way to the wrong end (full blast for you rookies). Let's just say the bathroom got a shower where only a tub is available. Keep in mind that this bathroom is on the second floor, so my living room ceiling now looks like it shit itself with water stains. After that, backup was called and my father had to come over to help me with the bathtub. Three hours later and a trip to Lowe's we discovered that the bathtub nozzle is shot.

That's what was accomplished for the first day... Demo and a water fight. Day two better go better or I'll be having myself a minor breakdown. Day two will also include a trip to Target to purchase a bunch of new towels. Hey, I had to wipe the wet floor up with something and towels of the paper variety were not an option this time around.

Oh, and I currently smell like a foot. With the main water shut off I can't shower, brush my teeth, or turn my sink on full blast and run out into the street yelling "Water, weeee!!" It's a travesty.

From the Vault #3: Darth Wolicki

Here is the third of three panels in the Bray Wars saga. My friend Mark from college was the lucky one to modeled after the top villian of all time, Darth Vader. Out of the three pieces, this one was the least enjoyable to do, no offense Mark. There is too much black for my taste. One does need a splash of color after all, right? Besides, he's wearing a mask, all facial expressions are null and void, and that's no fun!

From the Vault #2: Bray Yoda

Here is the second of three panels of the Star Wars parody: Bray Wars. This one features, the man himself Mike Bray as the wise yet freakishly small Yoda.

McDonald... I'm Lovin' it!

Over the past four days I've been out and about at various eateries and retail stores and there has been something hauntingly familiar at every single place. No, not the guy with the mullet in the old, rusted out Ford Bronco... something much worse. Michael McDonald has been playing over the speakers of such establishments at every... single... place. What's with Michael McDonald cornering the Muzak market? Here's the scary part, I knew all the words to the songs that were being played. I don't even listen to Michael McDonald! How long has he been hogging the mall airwaves? How have I not noticed? Subconsciencely he's invaded my brain with his soothing and upbeat lyrics and I can't turn it away. I enjoy it, walking with that extra bounce in my step and snapping my fingers like a West Side Story greaser extra. I even start murmuring "Takin' it to the streets, takin' it to the streets... Take this message to my brother, something, something, something, Wherever people live together... Takin' it to the streets...." It's awful! But so freaking catchy! Damn you Michael McDonald! First you hate him, but then like a little puppy he slowly works at you- nuzzles you, licks your nose with his little tongue and before you know it he's sleeping in your bed and drinking out of your toilet. The problem is you don't even care, because by this point you're in love with Michael McDonald and you let him do whatever he damn well feels like because he sings "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" like you wish you could. I admit it, I love Michael McDonald! Eddie Money is a close second though-- but he isn't nearly as adorable. That's more of a pity play than anything else. Two Tickets to Paradise? Umm... you go, I'll catch up.

Michael McDonald rocking it out!

From the Vault #1: Bray Wars

The main piece to "Bray Wars" was made way back in May of 2002. It depicts the original characters from Mike Bray Cartoon. For those of you that don't know, Mike Bray is a friend of mine that I went to college with. He is one of those guys that is very gullible, very naive, but would jump in front of a bullet for you to save your life. He'd also remind you of it every day after, "Hey Buddy, remember the time when I used myself as a human shield?" From left to right: Me, Bill Rush, Mike Bray as Yoda's hologram, Nick Giarrusso, Kim Brisson, Tony Vadala, Sid the alligator and Matt Langley as 3PO. This was done originally as a three panel piece, Mike as Yoda on Dagobah and Darth Wolicki are the others. Those will show up on here pretty soon.