Like every morning I start my morning off with a cigarette (no, I don't) and a nice cup of coffee (I don't do this either). But today, I decided to toss in some internet web travel with my breakfast. Boy, did we find a doozie too! You ever find a product so incredibly dumb you think to yourself, "Wow, who made this incredibly dumb product!?" The company aptly named Bicycle Forest takes the prize for this week's "Proprietor Darwin Award." They have created the "Bicycle Treadmill." Hey, feel like running outside but don't feel like actually running on the ground? Try the bicycle treadmill and you can now run on a treadmill with two wheels. Yes, a treadmill with wheels. Just for fun I have attached their marketing video from their
website.Apparently you can bring this treadmill on the bus! Why would you need too though? Can't you just run on it and get to where you have to go? Also, Postal Workers enjoy using this... Not really. They do however enjoy walking along side it and pushing it down the sidewalk with their 50 pounds of mail strapped to their back. Mine as well hit them over the skull with an aluminum bat too. Oh and hey, are you looking to add some "bling, bling" to this "sweet ride?" You are? Well it's your lucky day, an option for the treadmill bike also has deuce extreme spinner rims. "Fo shizzle."
One of their marketing pitches as to WHY you should use the Treadmill Bike is because the ground has dirt on it. Of course it does! That's what ground is made up of. An enormous pile of dirt! In fact that pile of dirt is SO big another relatively large pile of dirt hundreds of thousands of miles away orbits around it! Just don't run on it, your feet might get dirty.
I especially love the guy as he rides by the camera "This is the coolest thing I've ever been on!" As he says it however he almost falls off.... Now that would've been the coolest thing I'd have ever seen. Falling onto the ground made of dirt.
You're also probably wondering... Gnarly trial courses. Can I take it on some gnarly trial courses? Yes you can... but by gnarly we don't mine half pipes and rings of fire. No, no, by gnarly we mean a series of picnic tables stacked together and a piece of wood used as a ramp. Total kickass!
The amazing thing in all this, an American is not too blame for this product! Nope, not even the Asians or Mexicans. Blame Canada! This crackpot idea was hatched somewhere in a hockey rink by a maple syrup sniffing Canuck. Yah, yubetcha!
People, if you want to go for a run, do what everybody else does and get in your car and drive to the gym. Let's keep these ideas in the box, aye? What's next?.....
Umm.... err.... hmmm?
I can't even come up with an idea nearly as dumb as this to make an analogy. Not even close. I thought of swimming without water, weight lifting with spaghetti.... nothing. I've gotta go, somewhere I think I heard a Treadmill Bike getting on a bus.
Look closely. What is that you may be asking? That my friends is a stuffed crow. A dead bird is mounted on the dashboard of this person's Ford Escape. Who does this? And for that person, why? Seriously, WTF people!? A dead bird! I've always questioned people that would mount Bobbleheads and other oddities to their dashboards but this is on a whole new level of disturbing car flair. Ofcourse, this may not just be a dead bird. This could be a navigation system disguised as a crow. How creepy would that be? "Turn left here, ca caw!, Go straight for 100 meters, Turn right nevermore!"
