Jumping the Shark

Earlier this week I was running at the gym watching the numerous televisions that were splayed out in front of me. There is usually a wide array of channels to choose from: NBC, CNN, ESPN, VH1 and MSNBC just to name the a few. I generally choose to plop myself in front of the news channels. Being in the news business, I'm always looking for new ways to go about designing elements for my own projects. MSNBC has a nice graphics package so that is one channel I choose to watch a lot of. It's also one channel I can't stand listening to because of Keith Olbermann and his flaming torches of Republican hatred. This is why the gym is so valuable, all the TVs are on mute.

This leads me to the clip that I posted above. The Rachel Maddow Show this past Monday had one of the worst guest duos on in recent history. In her "GOP in Exile" segment semi-regular Arianna Huffington was joined on set by "comedian," Hal Sparks. Yes, that Hal Sparks. MSNBC couldn't get anyone else? Was Carrot Top busy pumping iron and getting plastic surgery or something? The worst part about having the former "Talk Soup" host on was that I think he was trying to take himself seriously. It also doesn't help matters when he chooses to look like Lestat (Cruises' character) from "Interview With the Vampire."

Hopefully this isn't a trend. Countdown w/Keith Olbermann had Paul F. Tompkins on earlier in the evening as a guest commentator. Shocker, another wanna be political commentator that thinks they're funny. It's like Best Week Ever on the wrong channel! People need to understand that just because you have a camera in front of you it doesn't make you qualified to rant about politics. It just doesn't. Maybe Tompkins and Sparks stayed at a Holiday Inn the evening before.

If Rachel Maddow and her producers believe in giving her young show credibility they should learn to stay away from said goofball wanna be political commentators like Hal Sparks. They need to surround themselves more with the likes of Ray J and Kim Kardashian (no reason to get fired up, this is merely a joke... or is it?)

Hey Sailor, Nice Anchor.

Be wary of one-day sales at Macy's, men. Be wary. I was perusing the sales rack yesterday evening when a nice young man struck up a conversation with me. "How ya' doing?" he says. I didn't think much of it. "Fine. And you?" I reply back. With no reason to be alarmed I continue flipping discounted clothes on the rack as if they were playing cards. "I'm doing well. Looking for anything in particular?" At this point I thought he was an employee, but the bags from various other stores around his wrist were a clear indication that this man was merely just a civilian. "Nah." I answer back, "just looking." He then asked me "Is that a late present for your Valentine?" referring to the bag I'm holding from Banana Republic. "This? No. This is just a t-shirt." He then explains to me how the bag looked like very nice and that he thought it was holding a gift for someone special. He continued on how he cooked dinner for his Valentine (lasagna by the way) and that he's never cooked before. I reply back, "Wow, well that's very nice." He tells me he's an engineer and that he likes to go overboard and get everything just right. I say "Yeah, my Valentine's Day was low-key. Having a kid under the age of two just kills the romance, ya' know?" He looks at me with that slight deer in the headlights look and says, "You have a kid? Hey man, have a good night."

I guess the dude isn't into other dudes with baggage. I was a little hurt, he had never met my son. He could grow to love him as his own. I can't raise this child on my own! But, in the end it's good to know that after having a baby, men still find me desirable. I still got it, yeah!

Edgar Allen Poe is my Co-Pilot

There are some things in life that just don't need explaining. For instance: chocolate ice cream, puppies or big, fluffy pillows. You just know their purpose in life, there is no agenda with these things. You don't second guess a puppy, and if you do you really need to talk to someone about all your other issues. Life can't be this simple though. There has to be things that make you scratch your head and make you think, "Why would someone do that? Possibly an imbalance in medication?" A treadmill bike would be one of those things (discussed earlier this month). Earlier today I was at one of the local Albany malls with a friend of mine. We park and the car next to us in the parking lot has this on the dashboard....

Look closely. What is that you may be asking? That my friends is a stuffed crow. A dead bird is mounted on the dashboard of this person's Ford Escape. Who does this? And for that person, why? Seriously, WTF people!? A dead bird! I've always questioned people that would mount Bobbleheads and other oddities to their dashboards but this is on a whole new level of disturbing car flair. Ofcourse, this may not just be a dead bird. This could be a navigation system disguised as a crow. How creepy would that be? "Turn left here, ca caw!, Go straight for 100 meters, Turn right nevermore!"

The Treadmill for Free-spirits

Like every morning I start my morning off with a cigarette (no, I don't) and a nice cup of coffee (I don't do this either). But today, I decided to toss in some internet web travel with my breakfast. Boy, did we find a doozie too! You ever find a product so incredibly dumb you think to yourself, "Wow, who made this incredibly dumb product!?" The company aptly named Bicycle Forest takes the prize for this week's "Proprietor Darwin Award." They have created the "Bicycle Treadmill." Hey, feel like running outside but don't feel like actually running on the ground? Try the bicycle treadmill and you can now run on a treadmill with two wheels. Yes, a treadmill with wheels. Just for fun I have attached their marketing video from their website.

Apparently you can bring this treadmill on the bus! Why would you need too though? Can't you just run on it and get to where you have to go? Also, Postal Workers enjoy using this... Not really. They do however enjoy walking along side it and pushing it down the sidewalk with their 50 pounds of mail strapped to their back. Mine as well hit them over the skull with an aluminum bat too. Oh and hey, are you looking to add some "bling, bling" to this "sweet ride?" You are? Well it's your lucky day, an option for the treadmill bike also has deuce extreme spinner rims. "Fo shizzle."

One of their marketing pitches as to WHY you should use the Treadmill Bike is because the ground has dirt on it. Of course it does! That's what ground is made up of. An enormous pile of dirt! In fact that pile of dirt is SO big another relatively large pile of dirt hundreds of thousands of miles away orbits around it! Just don't run on it, your feet might get dirty.

I especially love the guy as he rides by the camera "This is the coolest thing I've ever been on!" As he says it however he almost falls off.... Now that would've been the coolest thing I'd have ever seen. Falling onto the ground made of dirt.

You're also probably wondering... Gnarly trial courses. Can I take it on some gnarly trial courses? Yes you can... but by gnarly we don't mine half pipes and rings of fire. No, no, by gnarly we mean a series of picnic tables stacked together and a piece of wood used as a ramp. Total kickass!

The amazing thing in all this, an American is not too blame for this product! Nope, not even the Asians or Mexicans. Blame Canada! This crackpot idea was hatched somewhere in a hockey rink by a maple syrup sniffing Canuck. Yah, yubetcha!

People, if you want to go for a run, do what everybody else does and get in your car and drive to the gym. Let's keep these ideas in the box, aye? What's next?.....

Umm.... err.... hmmm?

I can't even come up with an idea nearly as dumb as this to make an analogy. Not even close. I thought of swimming without water, weight lifting with spaghetti.... nothing. I've gotta go, somewhere I think I heard a Treadmill Bike getting on a bus.