Ten Random Thoughts About Tampa

It's been a day since I've returned from the burning core of the sun, er.. I mean Florida, and my experience has been pretty much eaten and digested now. Before I completely forget my time there now would be a good time to reflect on some thoughts I had about the place.

1. The amount of smokers is staggering. Everywhere you looked was a smoker. The state of New York has pretty made the stick-puffer extinct due to all the tax hikes on a pack of cigs. Not so in Florida. It was an average of 86 degrees there during my visit and I couldn’t believe the amount of people outside smoking in the heat. Like they weren’t hot enough? Maybe it's their only way to repell all the amazing food down there.


2. How anyone gets a sliver of work done in Tampa is beyond me. Everyday something wonderful is going on. This weekend alone was the SEC Basketball Tournament, St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Ybor City, the Discovery Shuttle launch, Spring Training, and pretty much gorgeous weather everyday of the week. Alcoholism must be rampant down there.


3. Homeless people abound everywhere! Are they all native homeless people or do they flock from the north in the late fall? If I was a homeless dude from Buffalo, I’d try and hop a boxcar to Florida from November to April. There was one homeless guy that was sleeping in the alcove of an abandoned building on Friday night. That same person was in the same location and sleeping position the next night. Maybe homeless people are more like birds than we think? Migration and nesting? Hmmmm... somebody get Darwin's corpse on the phone.
   
4. God is big in Tampa. Real big. It seemed like on almost every corner someone was offering me salvation. Oh, and I’d love to to ask God if he knew the fella outside the St. Pete Times Forum who claims that God doesn’t like sports. I’m sure God would’ve been quite smitten with the SEC Championship. In fact, I can prove he’s a Mississippi State fan. They didn’t have a prayer, and through some divine intervention, they pulled it out.


5. The sun hurts. The right side of my face is peeling and my right ear is falling apart. It looks like the scene from “The Fly” where appendages start to melt from off Jeff Goldblum's body. My friend wasn’t as lucky as I was though. His skin was already a natural shade of red, but mix that with the potent Florida sun and he’s now a weird shade of purple. One person described him as “filet mignon before it hits the grill.” Yum.


6. Pinstripes make people appear taller and thinner. Strolling through the mall’s food court on Monday I almost walked clear into Ian Kennedy, a New York Yankees pitcher. He’s a bit shorter than the 6’0” that the Yankees have him listed as, but he appeared to be the full 195 lbs. The kid was jacked and about 5’10”. The television normally adds ten pounds, but clearly that is not the case with pitchers. On a side note, when you see an athlete don’t point at them and say their entire name. It’s embarrassing for all parties involved. Atleast he was nice enough to say “Hey hows it going?” instead of the “You act as retarded as you look,” that I fully deserved.


7. Driving in Tampa is an experience. In New York you know what you’re getting: fast paced with a good amount of road raged peppered in for some added flavor. In Tampa though it’s quite different. People will stop their cars in a lane and chat to someone else in another lane. For the most part the driver’s are tortoise paced and riding well below the height requirement. And according to state law, directional signs are optional as the telepathy signal was introduced in 2002.


8. Orange juice? What orange juice? I thought going to Florida meant you’d see orange juice stands and brands plastered everywhere. I walked all around downtown Tampa on Monday morning and saw nothing more than Tropicana Orange Juice (no pulp). If I wanted pulp, and I did, I wouldn’t have been able to find it. Florida should be the best place on Earth to find pulped juice. I was wrong. Cigars? All over. Authentic Cuban cuisine? Absolutely! Enormous flying birds? You betcha. Anything other than Tropicana Orange Juice? Better try that other orange producing state.


9. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood is so much funnier in Florida. In New York it’s good too, but the sexual undertones are way more provocative in someone else’s state. In your own home when Fred says to Mr. McFeely, “It’s so hot,” or “it fits so loosely,” it’s just a little weird. When you’re in your friend’s home with other people it becomes extraordinarily funny. On a side note there was no reason for us to be watching this show. None, whatsoever.


10. Artwork is everywhere. On buildings, on benches and even on the road. It really gives the city of Tampa a bit more of a unique feel to it. Sure, every city has a 20 story tall building, but how many can claim to have a seven story lizard painted to the façade? Probably not many.

More to come... I'll post a few photos, along with some sketches I did in the Tampa Airport. All in all it was a great trip. Got to see some friends I rarely get to see and got to enjoy some weather that wouldn't normally be in my city for another three months.