Leo's New Friend

Quick one today with it being Memorial Day and all... Here's a sketch of Leonardo holding a rat. It's not Splinter but maybe a distant cousin? The body was drawn with regular pencil and then darkened in Photoshop to give a bit more drama to it. The background is also a product of Photoshop. Graphic pen and half-tone filters can really do the trick on occasion.

Hungry Likes the Wolves

A few weeks ago a friend of mine sent me a link to an amazon.com product. He told me it would be one of the funniest things I had ever seen. He’s usually wrong. His taste in humor follows that of a Bollywood film. Pretty lame. However, this time I was pleasantly surprised. It really was one of the funnier things I’ve seen in awhile. The product itself isn’t that funny, a t-shirt that you could probably find at any gun show. It’s more the accessories that come with it on the website. Without further ado I give you Three Wolves T-shirt.


First, the products customers have purchased just scream, “Cool people only.” Imagine seeing someone wearing this shirt, a pair of Zubaz pants and reading on how to cope with having an enormous penis. It just has “winner” plastered across their forehead.

Next are the tags, what customers feel this product is associated with. I really wish I snagged a screen capture of this earlier. At the time Necriphillia was a tag, and that’s just awesome. Since it’s been removed I guess we’ll just have to settle for sasquatch, sexytime and rape instead. Darn.

By now you’re probably saying, “But Matt, these aren’t funny. It’s actually kind of pathetic.” And you would be right. It is quite sad, but this is where it gets good. This has got to be one of the funniest reviews ever written about any one product EVER. It’s like Bill Shakespeare himself critiqued this shirt and told us mortal beings would it was like to own and wear this shirt.

Here's what it says:
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt. Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

As Promised

So this was supposed to be a Nick Markakis shirt. He's only one of the best players in the American League, plus he's on my Fantasy Baseball team. It wouldn't be so bad to wear that shirt, right? He's still a dirty birdie but it's not his fault. They drafted him. However, this is not a Nick Markakis shirt. In fact there are NO Markakis shirts in the entire Albany area. I asked a couple of shop owners if they had any to which the reply was, "Who? All we got are those Ripken shirts." Really? You run a sports store and you don't know who Nick Markakis is? It's not like Baltimore is on the other side of the world. It's a five and a half hour car ride. A 45 minute plane ride. So I held out for awhile thinking a Markakis shirt would spring from the soil after a good soaking rain. No, that didn't happen. So now I own a Cal Ripken Jr. shirt. It's not that it's a bad thing, Cal is awesome in every way imaginable. He makes bald work, not many white guys can pull that off. But, he doesn't play anymore and people who know absolutely nothing about baseball would wear a Ripken shirt because he was "cool" and an "Iron Man." See, if I was wearing a Markakis shirt people would say, "Wow, this cat must know his baseball because I have no f'ing clue who that is, but I could sure go for a slice of Angelfood cake right now."

Some More "Turtle Power"

So I've been in this little groove right now of wanting to start drawing again. It's a wave I'll ride in for a little while before I get distracted with something else. Last night was another one of those nights where I felt like sketching but didn't know what to sketch. The Ninja Turtles were the theme this past weekend, mine as well carry it through into the week right? Below is Raphael screaming and what looks like something violent. At what, I have no idea. Maybe a Triceraton just off the page? Either way, he looks pissed. There are a couple changes that need to be made... mostly in his right fist. It just seems too small compared to the other one. His sai needs a little revamping too, it doesn't look too symmetrical does it?

Raphael showing some aggression.

Heroes in the Half Shell

Quick one today... Recently I've been inspired to sketch again. Not my own characters though. Other people's characters... much cooler than my own. Growing up I was a HUGE Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan (TMNT for you squares). First I was into the cartoon from the late 1980's then a few years later I was more of the comic book fan. Not those Archie comics though, the original Mirage Volume I comics. The real rough 'n' tumble Ninja Turtles. The Ninja Turtles that were dark, dangerous and weren't afraid to kill. Below are a few drawings I did last night.

Donatello facing off against a very dangerous Leatherhead in the sewers

Leonardo and some sort of ninja star

Raphael spinning his sais

That's all for today! Cheers.

Bitch is Back!

No, Kirstie Alley hasn't returned for more Jenny Craig commerials. Something much more fantastical has happened. It's official, Lent is over. Elton John has been gracing his musical genius everywhere I go since very early Easter Sunday morning. He was with me in the car during our early morning barhopping. He was with me as I ran off a hangover at the gym. He was even with me all nine hours at work on Monday. The world has returned to it's rightful axis and global warming has ceased to exist. Yes, it's that good. Infact it's so good that I haven't had time to inform all you wonderful readers of my successful Lent until now, a Tuesday, two days after it ended.

Sure, I had my share of weakness. That time when I almost broke down in tears during the much applauded "Almost Famous" scene when they got on the bus and sang out to the masses the tremendous "Tiny Dancer." Or the other time when the MSG Network decided to air one of his live performances in High Definition. It was a dark, lonely time in my life. My stress levels went up, my surliness was through the roof, and at one point I killed a woman with my bare hands. Punched her square in the neck. She deserved it, but I digress.

In retrospect, even though Lent was successful, I don't recommend doing something this difficult especially during a very stressful time at work. Next year if I do decide to partake in the phenomenon known as Lent I'll do something a bit less taxing. Perhaps giving up wearing silly hats, or restricting my diet to only carbohydrates and diary.

I'm a Weiner!

Yesterday was Opening Day for Major League Baseball. It's an exciting time with a certain electricity in the air. It's the first sign that summer can't be too far off. On Opening Day all teams are equal, even the teams that are predicted to be piss poor.

Growing up a New York Yankees fan I lived through the slim years of the 1980's and the dynasty years of the 1990's. Now, in present day, the Yankees have turned into some sort of traveling freak show. An All-star at every position (with the exception of center field) would seem to be the perfect way to bring about another World Series ring to the Bronx. With all of these all-star caliber players comes a sense of entitlement. Yankees fans deserve to see them win everyday. And why not? We're the best of the best, right? Other teams should just get out of the way, they shouldn't even bother playing. With that sense of entitlement comes cockiness and arrogance. I'll admit, it even gets the best of me sometimes. In fact it got the better of me yesterday. A bet was made between my friend Chad, a Marylander and delirious Baltimore Orioles fan. He asked me who would win Opening Day between the Yankees and the Orioles. I scoffed at him. I laughed like an arrogant prick. "The Yankees!" I pronounced. "Not even a chance the O's win," I declared. In fact I was so confident that my team would beat the living tar out of the opposition I agreed to a friendly wager with my fellow baseball friend. If the Orioles lose, Chad would have to wear a New York Yankees shirt to work. An embarrassing moment for him indeed. A lifelong birds fan having to wear a shirt with the logo of the team that has made his team a mockery since the 1996 American League Championship. It would be sweet victory for me indeed. Of course the latter would be the same with me. If the Orioles won on Opening Day, I would have to wear a dirty birdy O's shirt to my place of business. A wasp's nest of Yankees and Mets and Red Sox fans alike. Baseball is a way of life at my job. There isn't a day that goes by, even in the offseason, that someone isn't discussing New York or Massachusetts baseball. For me to wear this shirt would be nothing short of sac religious. But why should I worry? The mighty Yankees would crush the feeble Orioles. Not even a lingering thought of loss crossed my mind. The new ace of the staff, CC Sabathia would be taking the mound. He's as much of a shoe-in for a win than almost anyone else in the league. This bet would surely be mine.

Then something funny happened. Something almost sadly ironic. The Yankees weren't winning. In fact they looked flat out bad. The game was going horribly wrong. CC Sabathia was getting shelled in his maiden voyage with his new team. He didn't make it out of the fifth inning and he had already given up six runs. My head started to swirl! "This can't be happening!" I thought to myself. "How can they be sucking so badly? It's like they've been drugged! Yeah, yeah, that's it. The Orioles somehow poisoned the Yankees' water supply and that's why they're playing lackadaisical." Good thing I was being rational about this.

Nine innings and three hours and 15 minutes later it was over. The Yankees had been blown out 10-5 in Opening Day. The unthinkable had happened, the best team in baseball on paper had lost the first game of the season. A Baltimore Orioles shirt will now be gracing it's presence on my slightly humbled body. Stay tuned next week for a photo of me in said shirt on this very blog.

In the end, it's just one game but it brings you back a little. But not enough for me to stop declaring that the Yankees will have a 161-1 record this year and bring home another World Series title!! Suck on that you stupid Birds!

Running on iPod

Lately, a buddy of mine got me into running. By trade, I'm not a runner. I'm a cycler, but man is it catchy. Am I good at it? No not really. My range is usually between 3.1-5.5 miles at around 6.0 miles an hour. There aren't exactly land speed records being broken, but considering a year ago anything over a mile was an accomplishment. It's funny how muscles work. Last July I rode 77 miles from Albany to Herkimer (an upward 77 miles) but I couldn't run a mile.

Last week, a few friends and I have decided to run in the "Timothy Moshier Memorial 5k Run" this May. In order to train for this I made a playlist on my iPod. It's really not training since I can consistently run 5k, but I guess it's more for not embarrassing myself. Here's the playlist...


1) Bastian's Happy Flight/Giorgio Moroder*
2) In My Life/The Beatles**
3) Wake Up/Arcade Fire
4) Back on the Chain Gang/The Pretenders
5) Hold on Tight/Electric Light Orchestra
6) When You Were Young/The Killers
7) Roll Me Away/Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band
8) Holding Out for a Hero/Bonnie Tyler
9) Danger Zone/Kenny Loggins
10) C'mon C'mon/The Von Bondies
11) Out in the Streets/Bruce Springsteen
12) How Far We've Come/Matchbox 20
13) Keep the Car Running/Arcade Fire
14) Don't Stop Me Now/Queen
15) Stone in Love/Journey
16) Miami 2017/Billy Joel
17) Heat of the Moment/Asia
18) Runaway/Bon Jovi


*Ok, so what. It's from The Never Ending Story... it's a good warm-up song.
** Not exactly a running song, but it's a quick two and a half and it's one of the greatest songs ever.

If anyone has any suggestions let me know. I'm always looking at adding new music.

Buffalo's Marble Gardens

It's been a hectic week. All you blog readers out there know that I just came back from Tampa last Monday evening. Unfortunately a week later I found myself in Buffalo for two and a half days on business. Calm down, all you naysayers out there who think I'm saying Buffalo is a hole. It's not, but may I recommend something? When you enter into the city of Buffalo the first thing you are greeted with should NOT be a sprawling cemetery. I'm a huge fan of cemeteries. It's a great place to reflect on your local history and family origins, but for the traveler (like myself) it doesn't really seethe welcomeness. It's like the city is screaming, "Come for the wings but stay for your eternal vacation!" I have never seen a city with so many cemeteries. It's like they're around every corner, and not tiny ones either. Massive bone zones. Acre after acre of them. No wonder people in Buffalo are depressed! The city is dwindling, the Bills may move to another country and they're surrounded in death! People have always wondered, "What happened to all those people that lived in Buffalo? Where did they go?" Well, we finally know. They went about six feet below your feet.

Another thing about Buffalo: it's like Syracuse but bigger. Buffalo has a lot of little neat hole in the wall type places that you'd miss if you blinked. Those are the places that give the town a ton of character. Great people, great food, great atmosphere, but they need to give it a good spring cleaning. Man is it dingy. Maybe I caught it at a poor time of year. Seeing a northeastern city in the end of March is like seeing a pretty gal puking into a toilet after a night of binge drinking. It started out great, but throughout the night you could see her start to go downhill. You know in a day or two, after she sobers up she'll like amazing again. Hope springs eternal... especially with some cover-up and a sandblaster.

Some Airport Doodles

I'm very sorry. In my previous post I left you with a cliffhanger of showing you some sketches I did in the Tampa International Airport. I even went as far as stating I'd show you tomorrow. Please accept my apology, but it's been a long week. Work, work, work it's all I seem to be doing right now. I just got in from Buffalo this afternoon after spending two and a half days there helping to launce our newest sister channel, YNN Buffalo. If you live in the area please check it out. It's rough but they'll get it down soon enough. But thats a different story for a different time, now is time for some quick doodles I did of unsuspecting victims, er.. subjects in the airport.
OK- so when I said they were unsuspecting, that was mostly true. This guy let on that he knew he was being drawn. He looked at me, got up and walked away, but would pace around me from a safe distance a good few minutes after that. The jerk never let me finish him... so it's his own fault he kinda looks like Ed Asner.

Some dude that looked like Phil Jackson was reading a book. He kept getting bothered by his overweight wife.

Another older man that was reading. Soooo many people read in the airport. It has more readers than any library could ever imagine.

This couple were coming back from Mexico. The female was tired and fidgety... she didn't really look like a long-nosed troll.

.........................................................................

Short and sweet tonight... Once everything starts slowing down to normal speed again, I'll be able to post were more regularity. Sounds like my blogging life needs fiber.

Tampa in Photos

So yesterday I posted about some random thoughts about Tampa and Florida in general. Today we get to look at some pics I took while we were down there. I doubt anyone would be too excited to look at a picture of me at Steinbrenner field so I kindly left those type of images off. And...heeeeerre weee... go.

The Bank of America Plaza in the foreground with a Tampa skyscraper I do not know the name of in the background.

This was about a block of from where we were staying. Just a neat little mural on the side of what would have been an average building. It's all about the little things.

In my previous post I described a building with a seven foot lizard crawling up the side. Just so you didn't think I was full of who-ee, here is that building.

This was down the street from where we stayed. It started out as a very foggy morning but it burned off real quick.

Go for launch! The Discovery Shuttle takes to the skies. It really was quite remarkable watching the flight into outer space.

George M. Steinbrenner Field from the right field foul pole.

Friday night, Vince and I decided to eat here. Stumps, sounds like a place you'd go and pick up a woman without any legs. Great food though, even if their restroom signs were misleading and their waitresses had sideburns.

This dude was down at Channelside making artwork from spray paint. When you really think you've seen it all, a man with 20 cans a paint and a ponytail brings you back down to Earth.

Caution: No Manatees are in this area. It must have been a marketing ploy.

Walking down Channelside, I thought this would make a great shot, everything was on the same vertical plane. Symmetrists unite!

Downtown Tampa from the south

A rather large bird cleaning itself within the Florida aquarium. It certainly had no fear of humans, and neither did it's friend who tried to crap on us from above.

This was a decent aquarium, but not the best. They were definately lacking in many areas. Every species of turtle they had on display I had owned as a pet at one time or another. What does that make more pathetic? Me or the Florida Aquarium?

And just for kicks, me acting like a fully-grown eight-year-old outside the Florida Aquarium sign.

Tune in tomorrow! Sketches from the Tampa Airport.

Ten Random Thoughts About Tampa

It's been a day since I've returned from the burning core of the sun, er.. I mean Florida, and my experience has been pretty much eaten and digested now. Before I completely forget my time there now would be a good time to reflect on some thoughts I had about the place.

1. The amount of smokers is staggering. Everywhere you looked was a smoker. The state of New York has pretty made the stick-puffer extinct due to all the tax hikes on a pack of cigs. Not so in Florida. It was an average of 86 degrees there during my visit and I couldn’t believe the amount of people outside smoking in the heat. Like they weren’t hot enough? Maybe it's their only way to repell all the amazing food down there.


2. How anyone gets a sliver of work done in Tampa is beyond me. Everyday something wonderful is going on. This weekend alone was the SEC Basketball Tournament, St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Ybor City, the Discovery Shuttle launch, Spring Training, and pretty much gorgeous weather everyday of the week. Alcoholism must be rampant down there.


3. Homeless people abound everywhere! Are they all native homeless people or do they flock from the north in the late fall? If I was a homeless dude from Buffalo, I’d try and hop a boxcar to Florida from November to April. There was one homeless guy that was sleeping in the alcove of an abandoned building on Friday night. That same person was in the same location and sleeping position the next night. Maybe homeless people are more like birds than we think? Migration and nesting? Hmmmm... somebody get Darwin's corpse on the phone.
   
4. God is big in Tampa. Real big. It seemed like on almost every corner someone was offering me salvation. Oh, and I’d love to to ask God if he knew the fella outside the St. Pete Times Forum who claims that God doesn’t like sports. I’m sure God would’ve been quite smitten with the SEC Championship. In fact, I can prove he’s a Mississippi State fan. They didn’t have a prayer, and through some divine intervention, they pulled it out.


5. The sun hurts. The right side of my face is peeling and my right ear is falling apart. It looks like the scene from “The Fly” where appendages start to melt from off Jeff Goldblum's body. My friend wasn’t as lucky as I was though. His skin was already a natural shade of red, but mix that with the potent Florida sun and he’s now a weird shade of purple. One person described him as “filet mignon before it hits the grill.” Yum.


6. Pinstripes make people appear taller and thinner. Strolling through the mall’s food court on Monday I almost walked clear into Ian Kennedy, a New York Yankees pitcher. He’s a bit shorter than the 6’0” that the Yankees have him listed as, but he appeared to be the full 195 lbs. The kid was jacked and about 5’10”. The television normally adds ten pounds, but clearly that is not the case with pitchers. On a side note, when you see an athlete don’t point at them and say their entire name. It’s embarrassing for all parties involved. Atleast he was nice enough to say “Hey hows it going?” instead of the “You act as retarded as you look,” that I fully deserved.


7. Driving in Tampa is an experience. In New York you know what you’re getting: fast paced with a good amount of road raged peppered in for some added flavor. In Tampa though it’s quite different. People will stop their cars in a lane and chat to someone else in another lane. For the most part the driver’s are tortoise paced and riding well below the height requirement. And according to state law, directional signs are optional as the telepathy signal was introduced in 2002.


8. Orange juice? What orange juice? I thought going to Florida meant you’d see orange juice stands and brands plastered everywhere. I walked all around downtown Tampa on Monday morning and saw nothing more than Tropicana Orange Juice (no pulp). If I wanted pulp, and I did, I wouldn’t have been able to find it. Florida should be the best place on Earth to find pulped juice. I was wrong. Cigars? All over. Authentic Cuban cuisine? Absolutely! Enormous flying birds? You betcha. Anything other than Tropicana Orange Juice? Better try that other orange producing state.


9. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood is so much funnier in Florida. In New York it’s good too, but the sexual undertones are way more provocative in someone else’s state. In your own home when Fred says to Mr. McFeely, “It’s so hot,” or “it fits so loosely,” it’s just a little weird. When you’re in your friend’s home with other people it becomes extraordinarily funny. On a side note there was no reason for us to be watching this show. None, whatsoever.


10. Artwork is everywhere. On buildings, on benches and even on the road. It really gives the city of Tampa a bit more of a unique feel to it. Sure, every city has a 20 story tall building, but how many can claim to have a seven story lizard painted to the façade? Probably not many.

More to come... I'll post a few photos, along with some sketches I did in the Tampa Airport. All in all it was a great trip. Got to see some friends I rarely get to see and got to enjoy some weather that wouldn't normally be in my city for another three months.

Odds and Ends: Lenten Bicycle Ride

We've hit the eleventh day of Lent already! Well, not already. It's been a slow painful process, much like the death of Braveheart. I figured giving up Elton John music would be tough but I really feel like I'm having withdrawal from an illegal substance. Yesterday "Daniel" came on the radio and my reaction was a content sigh. I timed it out to ten seconds on my wristwatch and then changed the radio channel. From the opening notes I think all that made into the allotted time was "Daniel was trav..." I'm pathetic I know, it's a well known fact. What's even more pathetic is I've been having people at work ask how I'm holding up, like I just buried a loved one or something. Easter Sunday is going to be magnificent, and not for the religious meaning or the glazed ham. Elton will be cranked up, Nicholas and I will be rocking out and my wife, Megan will be huddled in the corner eating a large bowl of macaroni and cheese. She'll probably hiss at anyone that gets too close to her meal like a lioness munching on the brains of a wildebeest.

And in other news, Spring has kinda-sorta sprung here in Upstate New York. We're in our second day of above average temperatures in the fifties. It should stay in the 50s and upper 40s for most if not all of the week. To kick things off I brought the bicycle down from the garage ceiling hooks and went out for a spin. It didn't last though, like a fool drunk on the weather, I forgot to take my asthma medication before I left. Seven miles later I found myself back in the driveway gasping for air. Way to kick off the season!

Jumping the Shark

Earlier this week I was running at the gym watching the numerous televisions that were splayed out in front of me. There is usually a wide array of channels to choose from: NBC, CNN, ESPN, VH1 and MSNBC just to name the a few. I generally choose to plop myself in front of the news channels. Being in the news business, I'm always looking for new ways to go about designing elements for my own projects. MSNBC has a nice graphics package so that is one channel I choose to watch a lot of. It's also one channel I can't stand listening to because of Keith Olbermann and his flaming torches of Republican hatred. This is why the gym is so valuable, all the TVs are on mute.

This leads me to the clip that I posted above. The Rachel Maddow Show this past Monday had one of the worst guest duos on in recent history. In her "GOP in Exile" segment semi-regular Arianna Huffington was joined on set by "comedian," Hal Sparks. Yes, that Hal Sparks. MSNBC couldn't get anyone else? Was Carrot Top busy pumping iron and getting plastic surgery or something? The worst part about having the former "Talk Soup" host on was that I think he was trying to take himself seriously. It also doesn't help matters when he chooses to look like Lestat (Cruises' character) from "Interview With the Vampire."

Hopefully this isn't a trend. Countdown w/Keith Olbermann had Paul F. Tompkins on earlier in the evening as a guest commentator. Shocker, another wanna be political commentator that thinks they're funny. It's like Best Week Ever on the wrong channel! People need to understand that just because you have a camera in front of you it doesn't make you qualified to rant about politics. It just doesn't. Maybe Tompkins and Sparks stayed at a Holiday Inn the evening before.

If Rachel Maddow and her producers believe in giving her young show credibility they should learn to stay away from said goofball wanna be political commentators like Hal Sparks. They need to surround themselves more with the likes of Ray J and Kim Kardashian (no reason to get fired up, this is merely a joke... or is it?)

The First Day of Levon.. err, Lent.

Back when I was a kid I used to be a bit more religious. My mom would make us give up something for Lent, along with not eating meat on Friday. Even when I was nine I thought this was the dumbest thing ever. Why do I need to suffer? Jesus already did that for my sins by having himself nailed to some heavy-ass wood. Did he really respect me more if I gave up no video games for Lent? I would think he would be offended. He would think, "Jesus Christ! I was nailed by my hands and feet and hung from a giant lower-cased, wooden 'T' and this snot-nosed punk is emulating me by turning off his Nintendo. WOW!" Because of this, once I got to high school I just stopped trying. I figured God would want me to be happy. He seems like a good dude.

This year I've decided after over fourteen years I'd give Lent a try again. All for the wrong reasons though. I still don't believe in the fact that God likes us to "suffer." However our priests probably get a kick out of it. No, I'm partaking in Lent this year because I'm up for a good old fashioned challenge. For years I've enjoyed the modern amenities that life has offered to me. In short my life has been good. Two years ago, I got an iPod for my birthday. It changed my life. Who needs a CD anymore? I have 30,000 songs in this little magic box the size of a deck of cards.

Am I giving up my iPod? Absolutely not, don't be silly. I'm giving up something far worse. For the next forty days and forty nights I will be banned from listening to Elton John music. To the average person that's not really a big deal, but to me you might as well cut off one of my life lines. Since 1996, I can honestly, and with a straight-face tell you I've listened to atleast one Elton John song everyday. Thirteen years. Four thousand seven hundred and forty-eight days. That's a lot of Captain Fantastic! Today that all ends. However, not without a few ground rules. I do need to protect myself after all. It wouldn't be fair if there wasn't some mention of "Get Out of Jail Free" cards...

1. If any Elton John song comes on the radio, an iPod, mixed CD or any other device that is within my power I have ten seconds to change it to a new song.
2. I am allowed to listen to covers of Elton John songs. "Daniel?" No way. "Daniel" by Fuel? Yes, please. I will be allowed the crappy substitutes.
3. If I am in a bar, the mall or any other public setting and Elton John comes on the jukebox, loud speaker or anything else where I can not physically shut it off, I am immune from that song. It happens, that's what we call "God's Cruel Joke" and I'm not having any part of it.

It's already started. My eye has been twinging. Usually on the way to Nick's daycare we listen to some "Tiny Dancer" or "Madman" or "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" among others... Today was the first day of different. We listened to The Pretenders and Matchbox 20. Too weird.

Must.... find.... better.... covers..... Will not.... survive. Atleast I didn't give up cheese like my wife. Good luck with that one. Mine as well sign your death notice now.

Hey Sailor, Nice Anchor.

Be wary of one-day sales at Macy's, men. Be wary. I was perusing the sales rack yesterday evening when a nice young man struck up a conversation with me. "How ya' doing?" he says. I didn't think much of it. "Fine. And you?" I reply back. With no reason to be alarmed I continue flipping discounted clothes on the rack as if they were playing cards. "I'm doing well. Looking for anything in particular?" At this point I thought he was an employee, but the bags from various other stores around his wrist were a clear indication that this man was merely just a civilian. "Nah." I answer back, "just looking." He then asked me "Is that a late present for your Valentine?" referring to the bag I'm holding from Banana Republic. "This? No. This is just a t-shirt." He then explains to me how the bag looked like very nice and that he thought it was holding a gift for someone special. He continued on how he cooked dinner for his Valentine (lasagna by the way) and that he's never cooked before. I reply back, "Wow, well that's very nice." He tells me he's an engineer and that he likes to go overboard and get everything just right. I say "Yeah, my Valentine's Day was low-key. Having a kid under the age of two just kills the romance, ya' know?" He looks at me with that slight deer in the headlights look and says, "You have a kid? Hey man, have a good night."

I guess the dude isn't into other dudes with baggage. I was a little hurt, he had never met my son. He could grow to love him as his own. I can't raise this child on my own! But, in the end it's good to know that after having a baby, men still find me desirable. I still got it, yeah!

This Paisley Little Thing Called Love

Continuing on in the grand theme of nuclear warheads with brains comes Paisley Love. This bomb doesn't want to melt the flesh from your face, it wants to give you flowers and maybe even spoon in bed. He wants to show you that behind his cold metallic base and greased up gears that he does have a heart... and that it's on a string.

Paisley Love was the second design I had done for the 'Smart Bombs' line. It was originally going to be a different take on the Tin Man from 'The Wizard of Oz.' Depending on how long the line went, my plan was to design one for each of the main characters. After about a day, I deemed that idea to be quite dumb. Seen below was the original chest of Paisley Love before any real design was put into it. Yeah... not too terribly impressive is it?

After taking a step back and looking down (literally) I came up with the idea of adding the Paisley. I had a pair of boxershorts that had a very similar design and color scheme. They were great boxers, I loved them so much I wore out the elastic band on them. What better way to immortalize them than in plastic in the shape of a bomb with robotic claws. Below is the final digital version of Paisley Love. He had eight colors built into him, which in retrospect is a couple too many. It could easily have been knocked down to five or six in a crunch.

Mr. Tinklepaugh is a Ticking Timebomb

Keeping in theme with yesterday's post, we start today's entry with something in the same vein as Captain Bitchin'. Smart Bombs! Back at the end of 2005, Ken Lilly was making a small movement in the vinyl world with a line called Smart Bombs. In 2006 two sets were released at the San Diego Comic Con (SDCC) that would be followed shortly by the first wave of Smart Bombs. I had designed two that would have been represented in wave one if everything went according to plan. Today we'll be looking at the first design: Mr. Tinklepaugh's Stitches.

Original wrap-around design of Mr. Tinklepaugh's Stitches, 2006

On Super Bowl Sunday 2006 my obesely overweight cat, Mr. Tinklepaugh, thought it would be a good idea to jump the chain link fence in our backyard. Most of him made it to the other side. He hadn't anticipated his gut getting caught on one of the links slicing him open down the middle of his belly. He came home acting totally cool thinking we wouldn't notice his kitty insides dangling like a Christmas ornament from his waddle. That afternoon was spend at the emergency vet waiting for him to get it cleaned up and stitched. He came home that night wearing a lamp shade on his head and a bruised ego on his stomach, otherwise he was alright. Mr. Tinklepaugh, my fat little muse.

Once the design first version of the design was finished and sent off to Ken for approval the next step was to incorporate it into the template. This was for the factory to use for placement around the bomb. This template also housed the very specific colors that were to be used on the design in the upper right hand corner.

Looking at this now, almost three years later I see a lot I would have changed. My main peeve with this is the width of the inking, it's the same throughout. In retrospect I should have added a variant of thicknesses throughout to make it look a bit more hand drawn than just a simple computer stroke. Maybe I'll eventually get to do that, who knows.

Next up... Paisley Love!

Sonuvabitchin'!

This doesn't really constitute as a 'Vault' since it's not really that old, but it's still really frigging cool. Behold Captain Bitchin'! The Captain was a product of Luke Milton that almost came to be in plastic form a couple years back. The pose would have likely been used as promotional material if we had gotten that far. The entire image is nothing more than a poor attempt at ripping off The Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End theatrical posters.

Captain Bitchin' is what you call a block figure. A glorified Lego man but bigger, badder and hell of a lot more articulation (moving parts for you non-toy geeks). There are over 100 characters in Bitchin's universe ranging from skeleton-less men, cannibalizing 'care bears' and guitar weilding zombies. Yes, it's THAT good. In the coming days (or weeks or months) I'll show some more artwork from the almost was toyline of kockBLOCKerz ranging from logo concepts to some more promotional material.

They say some of the deals you never make are the best ones. With hindsight always being 20/20, making this toyline probably wouldn't have ended nicely especially the way the economy recently shat all over the floor. We all saved some coin and some sleepless nights by quietly exiting out the backstage door. Down the road though who knows. It could work. Maybe even in the vinyl instead of plastic. Arr!

Perfection Shown in Full

God Bless the MLB Network. Yesterday the channel launched with a Hot Stove Special with Host Harold Reynolds and a smattering of current and former players including Al Leiter and Jimmy Rollins. Meh, whatever, but immediately following that program was really what every Yankee fan was tuning in to see. For one of the first times since October 8, 1956 viewers would be able to watch Don Larsen's perfect game in it's entirety.

From watching the game I noticed a few things: The game in general was much faster. The commercial breaks were much quicker than in today's game. Larsen's perfect game was completed in a shade over two hours. That's gotta be some kind of a record! Also, the game was much closer than what history remembered it to be. The opposing pitcher, Sal Maglie only gave up five hits in eight innings. He also had a perfect game until Mantle's right field home run in the 4th inning. In the end he only gave up two runs. Two runs! That's what we call a gem in today's World Series. Poor Sal, all he is remembered for now is the loser of Game 5 not that he pretty much shut down a lineup that consisted of Mantle, Berra, Bauer and Slaughter. The home plate umpire helped out a lot in this game though. If the ball was remotely close to the outside part of the plate it was a strike. If he was umping in today's game he would've been sent to the minors. Players from both teams, notably Mantle, exchanged words with him on his extra wide strike zone. Mantle then hit that homerun that broke the zip-nada tie. It was in the 6th inning though was where the Yankees did their damage against Maglie and the only slugger it consisted of was Bauer. The rest was all done on the art of small ball. Third baseman Andy Carey hit a single back up the middle (that Maglie almost snagged). Next comes Larsen, who bunts with two strikes, TWO strikes! No one expected it, Larsen almost gets a single out of it and it moved Carey to second. Bauer is up next and hit a single to left field where Brooklyn's Sandy Amoros bobbled the ball enough for Carey to score from second base. And that's your ballgame.

All the commercials from the original broadcast were played. It was pretty hilarious to see Mel Allen stop Casey Stengel (who was talking to Jerry Coleman) in the clubhouse and ask if he would try this new razor. Stengel obliges and states how he can't believe how smooth his face is. At the end they tell you you can change the settings for a boy's face with light facial hair, a man's face with normal facial hair (they show Coleman shaving) and then for a man with heavy hair flow (showing Bauer). It was kind of an odd choice to pick Jerry Coleman and Hank Bauer for the commercial when you had guys like Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra and Whitey Ford on the team. All three probably said "no way, go find Hank." The prices were quite exquisite in 1956 too, you got the razor and a baseball encyclopedia for $1.

UPDATE: I should have put this in my original post but forgot. In today's game Jason Giambi and David Ortiz usually have to hit into a shift put on by the opposing team's defense. I always thought this was a relatively new thought process. The shortstop, second baseman and first baseman are all on the right side of the field, leaving the third baseman to man the entire left side. In the 1956 World Series Perfect Game, the Dodgers did just that against Mickey Mantle when he was hitting left-handed. Pretty wild to see that on a game almost 52-years-old. I guess it isn't a new practice after all. And no, Mantle didn't hit into the shift. He hit over it, way over it.