Bitch is Back!

No, Kirstie Alley hasn't returned for more Jenny Craig commerials. Something much more fantastical has happened. It's official, Lent is over. Elton John has been gracing his musical genius everywhere I go since very early Easter Sunday morning. He was with me in the car during our early morning barhopping. He was with me as I ran off a hangover at the gym. He was even with me all nine hours at work on Monday. The world has returned to it's rightful axis and global warming has ceased to exist. Yes, it's that good. Infact it's so good that I haven't had time to inform all you wonderful readers of my successful Lent until now, a Tuesday, two days after it ended.

Sure, I had my share of weakness. That time when I almost broke down in tears during the much applauded "Almost Famous" scene when they got on the bus and sang out to the masses the tremendous "Tiny Dancer." Or the other time when the MSG Network decided to air one of his live performances in High Definition. It was a dark, lonely time in my life. My stress levels went up, my surliness was through the roof, and at one point I killed a woman with my bare hands. Punched her square in the neck. She deserved it, but I digress.

In retrospect, even though Lent was successful, I don't recommend doing something this difficult especially during a very stressful time at work. Next year if I do decide to partake in the phenomenon known as Lent I'll do something a bit less taxing. Perhaps giving up wearing silly hats, or restricting my diet to only carbohydrates and diary.