Where Have You Gone, Rubber Duckie?

The bathroom is no longer a safe haven in our home for those who seek refuge from a toy-free toilet. Our son now finds it hysterical to throw things in the commode. It's not just limited to his small toys either... shoes, batteries and sometimes even his own hands are the targets of these outrageous acts of unadulterated toilet tomfoolery.

To counteract his exploits we found it in our best interests to finally install locks on our two toilets (this will not come in handy if their is a #1 or #2 emergency, by the way). Me wanting to be the hero, declared, I would travel to the local Target and purchase these so called toilet locks. While I was strolling through the baby aisle I noticed the large masses of rubber duckies that they had for sale for babies. Not just your standard run of the mill duckies either. Fire ducks, ballerina ducks, police ducks, and even vampire and witch ducks. Within the depths of all these career seeking duckies there was one that just seemed a bit odd, a bit not like the others. There it was, the worst rubber duckie known to mankind... a half-duck half-dairy cow. Really? Really? Who does this?

Listen, I get it. People like rubber duckies and apparently they like a duck in uniform even more. But where does Munchkin (the maker of such ducks) have the audacity to take a dairy cow and say "Hey, let's mash it together with an innocent little duckie and mass produce it to scare off little kids!" The duck has ears for Christ sakes! The platypus doesn't even have ears like that, and they're like the ultimate WTF species of the Earth! To make matters worse they gave this poor excuse for a rubber duckie some sort of bondage choke collar. Must have been some sort of sadist working in Munchkin sculpting department again. What's next? A rubber duckie with a ----- molded to it's forehead? It's a family favorite! That's disgusting.

I urge all parent's to boycott this Chupacapra-esque duckie and send a message to Munchkin: We aren't going to take these half-assed excuses for rubber duckies anymore! We want real rubber duckies like, Hobo duck or Abusive Husband duck. You know, something that really hits home for the kids. Something that they have a real shot at becoming... what kid ever dreams of being a dairy cow? No normal ones anyways. Probably kids that drank way too much whole milk.

Officer O'Duckie arrest this bovine duckie right now! Someone has to clean up those pegs and it mine as well be the peking police. Or someone much worse. Someone much more terrifying. Someone that flaps in the night... Yes, dare I say? Darkwing Duck!

Oh, and if you're wondering, don't go to Target for toilet locks, they don't carry them... neither does Walmart. Babies 'r us had like one model... who knew toilet locks were such a taboo item.